My heart is absolutely breaking watching him go through this and not being able to make this all just go away
The past 24 hrs have been a nightmare. I will never forget the call he got, his sister frantically yelling at him to go to his parents house. The look of horror on his face. The drive there seemed to have taken forever though I was traveling well beyond the speed limits yet trying to keep the car under control from the ice. The death of his mom has been so surreal. It’s frightening how you can see someone and not think about that possibly being the last time you see them alive. The next few days will be harder and I’m not sure how to handle it. The closest family member of mine to pass was my grandma Higgins. I still cry to this day, like I will forever mourn her as if her death was as recent as that day. But for him I can’t imagine. She was his best friend, he looked up to her and his mother. She gave him life. She was the sweetest woman and I absolutely loved visits with her. And now she’s gone and so unexpectedly. I wish I could take away his pain, his nightmares and his sadness but in the end all I can do is be there for him. To be his support through this difficult time.
|—||Lemony Snicket (via disturbingly)|
That moment when you want to tell your best friend about the sex dream you had of her but fight the urge to not turn the texts into sexting
So when I was with my ex I got a cat. Her name was Sweetie, she was a long haired tabby and that I absolutely adored. I went with his mom and him to get some hay from this guy and she was just this little furball that followed me around the farm and into our car. She curled right up into my lap and the farmer told us to just take her. She was an indoor kitten that was dropped off and they wouldn’t take any of the barn cats in. So she came home with us and she stayed with them since I couldn’t take her to my house. Now that we’ve split I haven’t seen her nor heard how she’s doing. His mom took her to Pennsylvania and I can’t just go see her and I miss her terribly. I will occasionally dream of her, remembering her purr and sassy attitude and wake up depressed realizing that I will never get to see her again. Last night’s dream was intense though. He agreed that I could come see her and possibly take her. So I went to his old house and was spending some very overdue time with her when he started to ask if I would give him another chance and that things would be different. The same story he gave me when I initially left. I refused telling him that I was in love with my batman and I was quite happy and things were different from when we were together yrs ago. That I couldn’t just drop my life and destroy something good for something I knew wasn’t going to as good. My ex got angry with me and started screaming at me and as I went to leave he grabbed a katana, one I felt as though I bought him and began attacking me. Cutting my arms, legs and hands as I fought him off. People who know me also know I have a fear against swords. I dated a guy who cornered me when I was 13 with an old civil war sword, held it in my face and laughed at me thinking it was hilarious that I sat there in the corner crying. Anyways as I fought him off I remember feeling the emotion of not only physical pain but emotional pain. I gave this guy 8 yrs of my life and he was going to end mine in seconds. The feelings were so real and scary. I broke free of my exs murderous attempts and got out downstairs. His step father saw me and became angry at me for fleeing and not letting my ex finish the job. The rest of the dream is sketchy but I remember having to show my wounds to a court and his story was I was a cutter and I had done the wounds to myself to make him out to be this horrible person. But that’s about it. The part of him slashing me and being angry stayed with me for the whole day. I’m sure if he had to choose to save me or Richard Simmons he would put that gym suit on and rescue Richard first. I don’t blame him things could have been easier but they weren’t. I was done with the relationship and I knew there was a ring somewhere and I wanted to end it before the proposal, my rejection and humiliation for him. I couldn’t keep living a lie. I was unhappy and he refused to see it or acknowledge it. But him attempting to kill me and the anger he had, the rage in his eyes really haunted me last night.